life does have a lot of what if's. let's face it - we all have them. some will remain unanswered forever. while we do find answer for others.
i had a "what-if moment" recently. don't know what triggered it. it just hit me out of nowhere. curiosity? frustration? optimism?
and since it already hit me, why not push it further - and blog it?! so here are my what-if's:
what if i had more confidence ...
... how much of a social butterfly/party animal will i be?
... how easy will it be for me to make friends and warm up to people?
... will i remain distant, quiet (relatively) and quite guarded even among friends?
... will i "play around"?
what if i were a lean fit hunk ...
... how active will my sex life be?
... what would it be like to do sexy, hunky "trophy" partners?
... would i experience as much "rejection" as i have had in the past?
... will i gain more confidence? will i be very snobbish and conceited?
... will i get offers to be a model or a tv personality?
what if i had siblings ...
... what kind of brother will i be?
... will i be able to deal with other people and handle relationships better?
... will i value responsibility, or will i be care-free?
... will i be the favorite? will i be the black sheep? will i be trouble-maker?
what if we didn't have financial difficulties when i was younger ...
... will i still be prudent and practical financially?
... will i take more risks when it comes to handling my savings?
... how much MORE of a shopper and spender will i be?
.... would i have pursued my dream of being a tv personality - glamorous but not financially rewarding and/or stable unless you become a star?
... would i have had a barkada with an active gimmick life? or will i have remained a sheltered goody-two-shoes that just shuttles between school and home up until 3rd year college, avoiding gimmicks because of expenses, lack of transpo and an overprotective mom
what if i were straight ...
... i don't know, i don't wanna know, i'm happy - and gay!
what if
home sweet home?
the past 5 days since i flew home from hk has been bittersweet.
it's great being in touch again with friends, witnessing my dear cousin get married to a really good spanish guy, seeing old friends and classmates from high school and college.
while i'm having a nice time here, there's also a big part of me that misses life in hk. i guess being away from home for almost a year has taken its toll.
within a minute from disembarking the wild-wild-west chaos of manila immediately hit me.
there are crazy lines at immigration, where two queues (which i definitely won't describe as "straight") suddenly merge into one. then there are the huge balikbayan boxes jamming the baggage carousel (two hk flights in one carousel - a baaaaad idea).
then there's the everyone-for-himself mindset when it comes to traffic (and crossing the street). and i don't even want to get into my frustration with the mrt.
but the biggest challenge for me is contending with an overly protective mom, and dealing with a "sensitive" grandmother who's staying with us temporarily while she recovers from a traffic accident. albeit just temporary, it does require some adjustment.
it doesn't help that i quite long for the same routine and the freedom of living alone in hk. you miss familiar surroundings (and things). and you miss being independent and fending for yourself.
in fact, although i was sometimes sick of the food, i kinda missed hk eateries and food court food. i got so used to doing dinner take-aways that i instinctively grabbed to-gos on my way home during my first few nights in manila.
but gripes and frustrations aside, i must say, nothing can really match christmas in the philippines. it just makes all these nuances and inconvenience worth it.
merry christmas everyone!
bad day
today is one of those days you wish would end immediately. it may just be me, but yes, i've had a bad day.
you wake up this morning stressed, knowing you only have 3 hours to do your laundry, fold last week's laundry, practice for your afternoon gig, shower, get ready and be out of the house for your afternoon gig.
you snap at your other half because he was being playful on msn in the midst of all this stress - and haven't spoken with him ever since, with multiple attempts to reach him by phone unanswered.
then you try your best to do good at your gig at the gym, but things just weren't clicking. you fumble, you were off beat, you couldn't seem to find rhythm plenty of times, and you see some more experienced members snickering as you fumble.
you attempt to make what's left of your afternoon more productive. but you're just slammed and tired. so you just head home with a heavy chest.
you hope you'll watch something really hilarious to lighten your mood - but there was none. or you wish the episodes of private practice and grey's anatomy you're watching tonight would help you cry it out - but they didn't.
i really wish tomorrow will be much much better.
soundcheck: as i am
once again, alicia keys delivers. she brings soul - lots of it - into each song in her newest project, as i am. and the songs just grow on you as you listen through the entire album.
as i am opens with a 2-minute intro track that can easily be used as score for an opening scene in a movie.
"go ahead" (track 2) follows this intro track. it's a very bouncy r&b song, with a distinct alicia keys vibe to it in my opinion.
then there's track 7 "wreckless love". a very sexy and passionate tune. love the lines that go "baby let's go have that wreckless love, that crazy love, that off the wall won't stop 'til I get enough kind of love ... that I don't really care we can have it anywhere kind of love"
"tell you something" (track 13) is a very radio-friendly song that'll just make you bounce to an easy beat.
the album closes with "sure looks good to me" (track 14). another very radio-friendly song, where alicia keys just brings lots of soul into it.
but overall, my most favorite track in this album remains to be its carrier single "no one" (track 4). alicia keys just put in lots of heart and soul into this song. she sings this track so passionately that you can really feel emotions as you listen to it.
i would strongly recommended as i am to anyone who loves great soulful r&b music. now, when will alicia keys come over for a real concert?