as if not having mr. right is not enough

my lovelife - or lack thereof - has been and still is a super sensitive issue for me. still wondering why i'm not in any relationship. odd because i'm someone very much willing to commit, but has got nothing to commit to. while others, who are not ready to get into a relationship, are actually in one - but struggling to get out. LIFE IS UNFAIR!

oftentimes, my friends would tell me, "you're a great guy!" yah right, says who? if i'm really a great guy, why haven't i landed in any relationship that i could really consider "for keeps"? and for those who've just ignored me and who've ditched me after the first encounter, my friends would just help me feel better by saying "they don't know what they're missing".

modesty aside, i may be a great guy. but living in a beauty-crazed society like hk, personality alone just doesn't cut it - i guess. for one, you've gotta speak cantonese - which i'm struggling to learn - because, contrary to the notion that many are comfortable with speaking english , they aren't. besides, i can't stand a relationship without any conversation. i'm dead talkative and silence (or not being understood) is hell for me.

second, people here are so accustomed to leanness and fitness. that's a key measure of attractiveness here. so being someone struggling to get rid of out-of-control love handles for the longest time now, i don't exactly fall into the category of being "attractive". and i hate it when people would give you one look, be interested in you, then when they see your flabs, would suddenly feign indifference.

so the reality of living in a beauty-crazed society, not being conversational their language, and being stuck here for work (which i'm really doing well), is like a curse to my lovelife.

ok, i've gotten it out. i just hate the fact that circumstances seem to always rub this fact in... i'm not lean, i'm not thin thin, but i don't think i look awful. so why do people "reject" me just because i don't have 6 packs. ok, well, there are those who "like" me - bloated middle-aged caucasian expats. but i'm not looking for a sugar daddy. i'm looking for a partner, a peer and a best friend, a companion and an activity partner. let me stop before this starts to sound like a personal ad.

anyways, i'm getting more desperate each day - more desperate in getting rid of these bulges. well, there's always the gym, dieting, ab sculpting treatments, liposuction - now, don't even let me go there...